dude i'm inner monologue high
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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