under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
