My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize