I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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