this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
