one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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