remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
