he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
