watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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