he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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