weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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