I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize