Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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