I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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