He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
