we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
