how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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