I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
