You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
