my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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