he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize