how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
