I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
