If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I need moral support for this bender
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
