True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
