I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
