Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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