You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
