How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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