I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
