Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
