i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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