Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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