you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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