hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
