Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
