I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
