bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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