So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
