Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
