Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
