Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
