Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
be right there i have to get my cape
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
