are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize