Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
