Got a toothbrush?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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