The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
