I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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