Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
