I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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