i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
