He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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