there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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