We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize