I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
