I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
