Tell her she can't have a vagina
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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