Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
