I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The uberlube is also flammable
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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