Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize