she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
