Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
