Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
