Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
