im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
