I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
