I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
