Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize