dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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