I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
