You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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