you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
