Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
