It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize