remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
