Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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