Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
