I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
