I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize