can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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