Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
