If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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