I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
