no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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