I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I checked into jail on foursquare
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
