at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
