Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want her autograph on my taint
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
