I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
