Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize