If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
