So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
zippers are such a cool invention
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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